Homicide is different from death by other means for several reasons.
Homicide is usually deliberate. Knowing that another person caused the death of a person's loved one deliberately and with malice as opposed to a natural death by old age, sickness, or accident. With homicide, there could also be extreme violence associated with the death of a loved one, increased media attention to the death, and for the survivors, a lifetime of waiting for an arrest, court dates, parole hearings, and the eventual release of the offender, all having a significant impact upon the survivors.
Fact:
A homicide survivor’s pain for the death of their loved one is complicated and burdened with the police investigation, criminal justice system, news media, reactions of family and friends, and society as a whole. A homicide survivor’s grief process is different due to these other complications.
For these reasons, many loved ones of homicide victims feel unique and very much alone in their efforts to recover from the murder of a loved one. This feeling of being alone is sometimes exasperated by caring relatives and friends who urge them to "Forget the Offender" and "Move On" with their lives. For them, it may not be possible and this can lead to them withdrawing further and further from family and friends. They might seek grief counseling or join a grief sharing group and feel that they do not fit in. The death in their case is different from most, making it extremely difficult for them to grieve their loss which is essential to their recovery. Although the means of death may be different from most, families of homicide victims must still go through a grieving process if they are to recover from their loss and continue to lead productive lives.
Fact:
Murder victims come from all walks of life. Murder strikes in all races, ages and socio-economic levels.
Being a survivor of a homicide is an incredibly agonizing experience. Being a survivor of an unsolved homicide is excruciating. Not knowing who is responsible for such a horrendous crime is more than a person should endure.
There are Endless Emotions Associated with Grief
Common emotions of shock
Depression
Isolation
Panic
Anxiety
Guilt
Anger and resentment
Other symptoms include disbelief
Helplessness
Withdrawal
Confusion
Frustration
Restlessness
Uncontrollable crying
Rejection by others
Humiliation and feelings of abandonment
Besides the actual loss of a loved one, there are emotional losses of
Identity
Trust
Intimacy
Independence
Control and power. Some physical reactions to the death of a loved one include;
The loss of appetite
Overeating
Sleeplessness
Sexual difficulties
Little energy
The inability to concentrate
Tightness in the throat
Heaviness in the chest
Increased heart rate
Nausea
A temporary feeling of being paralyzed
Feeling light-headed, dizziness and headaches
Grieving is a individual and personal process. No two people will grive the same. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Remember to do what feels best for you.
Fact:
Homicide survivor is a statement seemingly self-contradictory, and yet it expresses the truth. Homicide survivors are the family and friends of a murder victim. The pain, trauma, and turmoil caused by the murder of their loved one forces them into a battle for survival.
Lack of Understanding There are three factors that can have an impact on homicide survivors.
1. A variety of services to assist the survivor such as crisis intervention, mental health specialists, community service groups, victim advocay groups and support groups.
2. The Media - grief can be intensified by the media's portrayal of the homicide victim or the accused killer and invasion into the privacy of those who are grieving.
3. The Criminal Justice System - can prolong and heighten the grieving process; the justice system and the trial process can go on for years, forcing those grieving to prolong their mourning period; grief can also be deepened by a lack of sensitivity within the system, a lack of information provided by the system, waiting for an arrest, a lack of cooperation by participants in the trial, and the lack of victim rights and involvement within the justice system.
Children Dealing With Grief Children must not be forgotten in a time of grief. When a child has lost a loved one, they also experience grief. Just as not all adults grieve the same, not all children grieve the same.
Holidays and Anniversaries Special days such as holidays, birthdays and anniversaries can heighten emotional pain in the absence of the loved one lost to homicide. Holidays can bring feelings of sadness, loss and emptiness.
The Easiest Way to Support Survivors during these times is to listen without judgment to feelings and memories; accommodate plans to include their wishes for that day; and don't try to make them do things that you think they should do.
